We all have those moments when life seem really crap and you just think there is no point to anything at all.
WRONG!
No matter how much the rain pours, there will be sunshine , , , , eventually.
Life is tough and sometimes for some its harder than others. I myself have had my share of it and for sometime now it has felt never ending. All you have to do is sit it out ad wait. And sometimes giving up seems the easiest option but it really isn't. It's easy for me to sit here behind my laptop and say I know how it feels but unless you actually know me or my life then you'll know what I'm talking about. I have revealed a bit in my last few blog posts for those who want to know what I'm on about.
For the past two weeks, I had news that broke my heart. I felt like all the steps forward become several steps backwards and I was in the position that I was 'wrong' I believe in everything I've said and will stand up for what I believe in and what is right. I don't like liars or people who twist things to make themselves look like the innocent party. I broke down in tears a lot and it felt like I had had my heart ripped out my chest. They say betrayal always comes from those closest to you and looking back how true it is. I feel like I had spent days giving up my time trying to help, trying to do my best, being positive, trying to keep everything happy. Little did I know what was happening behind the scenes. I have a mixture of emotions - anger, sadness, confusion, disappointed . . . . there really are no words to describe how I feel.
Someone said to me . . . . . . 'Kayleigh, what do you want?'
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| My lovely boyfriend took me to see Les Mis in London |
What did I want? That's something I didn't know the answer to. Did I want things to continue the way they were or did I want change. I knew I didn't want things the way they were, there were several reasons why I didn't. And if I ever wanted to be free and have a life of my own, things had to change. And so I started to look at ways my life could change. I'm learning that if there's a problem, it simply doesn't go away. There are certain steps you have to take in order for you to sort out the problem, then the problem should go away. I knew that I had to take small steps and steps that I took, I'd want to say no to but in order for change I had to. I moved out. It wasn't something I had planned on or even wanted to do and I cried when I knew that I couldn't take things anymore. I've never felt so alone being kicked out of the one place your suppose to feel safe and welcome. I'm going to thank my boyfriend and his parents for taking me in. I don't know where I'd be without them. I'm not alone and something I'm learning. I'm not alone, I have people in my life now that care. For years it had just been me on my own dealing with everything in my head. But now, I have people who want to sit and talk to me about things and want to help me. I'm having to get used to talking about things instead of bottling it all up because I was 'weak'. For all those people who have helped me in some way I actually thank you all. I'd probably be in that rainstorm if none of you hadn't have taken my hand and led me through. There are times when I have thought I give up, you win (to those people). But then I think, why should I and I won't. I'm going to fight this with every breath in my body, I'm going to stand up for what I believe in and so I'm getting on with life.Life can be crap and life gets hard but it's how you deal with these hard times that matters. And so I leave you all with a quote from Nicole Scherzinger -
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